“The only thing that would make this cookout better is if it were indoors … and if I were alone.” — INTJ At a Cookout
“They say nothing lasts forever so … want to be my nothing?” — INFJ Pickup Lines
“Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, I remember the time in ninth grade when I told my history teacher that I thought his class was boring. I am ashamed of my thoughtless and inconsiderate behavior.” — ISFJ Up All Night
“Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, I remember the time I ordered a small Frosty at Dairy Queen and the guy charged me for a medium!” — ISTJ Up All Night
“Your fee structure is extremely confusing. No, I don’t have an account. I’m just concerned for the people who do.” — ENFJ Calling Customer Service
“Hi, everyone. I’m going to be doing something called anti-comedy. It’s very avant-garde; you’ve probably never seen it before. It’s not supposed to be funny so please don’t laugh. (audience member coughs) Sir, I wasn’t kidding.” — ISFP Doing Stand-up
“I really enjoy being a famous writer whose books are read worldwide, but I never thought those people would read my books. You know, those people. I’m just not sure how comfortable I am knowing those people are among my fanbase. (Pause) To be clear, I’m talking about extroverts.” — video unknown
“My grandmother says we’re related! You’re my cousin several times removed! … OK, I just got off the phone with Grandma and she says we’re Slovakian, not Hungarian, so I guess we’re not related after all. … (choked up) You guys have been so nice to me, letting me stay in your house and showing me around even after I found out I was in the wrong country. I don’t care what Grandma says. We are family!” — ENJF Visiting Another Country
“Timmy, if you’re still getting cellphone reception, it means we’re not socially distanced enough. KEEP GOING, TIMMYYYYYY!” … Timmy was last seen in Ituna, Saskatchewan. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please keep it to yourself. — ESTJ Social Distancing
“Hey, guys, now that I’ve won the lottery, guess what I did? That’s right, I bought the company. So you can all start calling me ‘Boss.’ Except you, Timmy, you’re fired.” — ESTJ Winning the Lottery
“All right, here’s what I’m thinking … (lays out elaborate get-rich-quick scheme) What do you say? Are you in?” / “Sounds great, but … who are you?” — ENTJ interacting with INTJ
(This entire exchange is uttered by both participants in a monotone voice with a stoic and unchanging facial expression.) “Hi friend, how are you?” / “I’m great. I just sold my startup for a billion dollars.” / “That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” / “Thank you. How are you?” / “I’m excellent. The five richest guys in America are in a bidding war over my prototype.” / “Wonderful.” / “We are just two happy guys.” / “I’ve never seen you so animated.” — INTJ Interacting with their Own Type
“We have the day off. What shall we do today?” / “Well, we know what most people would do — relax!” / “But we’re not going to do that, are we?” / “Let’s find some work to do!” / “Let’s do all the work!” — ESTJ Interacting with their Own Type
“Look at all these apps on your phone! I mean, there’s even one to regulate your breathing! How do you ever get anything done?” / “I need all these apps on my phone to be productive!” / “I have an app to regulate my breathing too. It’s called my brain.” / “Meanwhile, do you even have a phone because I’m sitting here with nothing.” / “Nah. I figure, if someone needs me, they can come find me.” — ISTP and ENFJ Looking Through Each Other’s Phone
“Why do you have your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb?’ It’s the middle of the day!” / “I don’t care what time of day it is. I don’t want anyone disturbing me!” Phone vibrates. “Ahh! Ahh! Take this back! (shudders) How do you handle all this disturbance?” — ESTP and INFJ Looking Through Each Other’s Phone
“Girl, are you a high-yield bond? Because you have my interest and it’s compounding.” — Pick-up Lines
“I’m afraid we have to break up. It’s nothing personal. Well, actually, it’s a little personal. You see … my cat doesn’t like you. Mr. Meowgi is a valued member of this family and his preferences must be respected! It’s not you. It’s not me either! It’s him.” — ISFJ Breaking Up with Someone
“Please don’t take this so hard. If you think about it, it’s actually kind of your fault. You see, I’ve been trying for weeks to get you to break up with me. But … (voice breaks) you just wouldn’t!” — INFJ Breaking Up with Someone
“I usually have difficulty expressing my emotions. So, before I jump out of this plane, I just want you to know that, well … you’re all right in my book, kid.” — ESTJ Confessing Their Love
“Son, clean up your room.” / “No.” / “All right. Son, do not, under any circumstances, clean up your room.” / (growls, mutters under breath) You win this round.” — video unknown
“A new school! No one knows me here. Time to make a fresh start. If I play my cards right, I might even become … cool.” / “Hey, look, everybody, this weird kid talks to himself!” / “Noooooo ….” — INTP at a New School
Alarm rings. Protagonist reaches out and turns it off. Gets out of bed. Camera pans out to reveal that the above was a dream and the real protagonist is still peacefully snoring away. — INFP Waking Up
“Tell me about yourself.” / “What, was my resume not clear enough? Here.” snatches resume out of interviewer’s hand) “Let me read it to you since it obviously wasn’t clear enough!” — At a Job Interview
“Tell me about a time when you had a dream about work.” / “OK … uhhhh …” / “And then, tell me what you think the dream meant.” — INFJ Interviewing Someone For a Job
Saranya Murthy 